When I started my blog last year, I promised myself two things:
1) It wouldn't be a soapbox for me to voice "opinion."
And no, there's nothing wrong with sharing your "opinion." There's
just plenty of those out there already.
2) I would use it to share my life. My story. But even more important.
I would use my blog to show what God is teaching and showing me.
Now, that's something worth blogging about.
So. Here's one thing He's been teaching me....... for a while.
A hard truth.
I've really struggled much of my life with feeling "significant."
Down deep. Just feeling significant in this world.
That's a little pathetic, huh?
But.......maybe you know a little about this?
I've made the mistake of often trying to find my significance in other people.
Of finding my value in what others might think of me.
If "they" think I'm worthy, then I must be.
Do they think I'm smart enough? spiritual enough? personable enough?
The problem with looking to other people for my value and worth?
It will never be enough.....and they were never meant to have that responsibility.
I heard Beth Moore once say, that it's like holding out a cup in your hand all day.
We keep moving from one person to the next - holding out our cup -- expecting
and looking for other people to fill it up --- to fill us up.
I'm a visual person. So I totally started seeing myself that way.
One person may drop in a coin or two.....and I move onto the next person.
Won't you make me feel good about myself? Do you think I'm valuable?
I sometimes hold my cup out to my friends...
My family. My husband. My children.
Beth was right. Holding out my cup to the people around me can be exhausting
for them. They were never meant to fill me up.....or fill any void I have in my life.
Like I said. I'm visual. Once I heard the "cup" story, I became more aware that
was what I was doing myself.
I'm understanding better (thank you, Lord, I'm a work in progress!) that my value
comes from Jesus. No one else.
He finds me valuable. He gives me significance.
And the thing is. And don't miss this. When He provides it for me.
I don't need it so much from others.
Even as I write that. I'm taking a deep sigh. And Jesus is probably saying.
Maybe she finally get's it.
And maybe, I finally do.
"I want you to experience the Joy of being loved constantly and perfectly. You make
a practice of judging yourself, based on how you look or behave or feel. If you like
what you see in the mirror, you feel a bit more worthy of My love. When things go
smoothly and your performance seems adequate, you find it easier to believe you are
My beloved child. When you feel discouraged, you tend to look inward so you can
correct what is wrong.
Instead of trying to "fix" yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your soul. Rather
than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising Me. Remember that I
clothed you in righteousness, radiant in My perfect love."
Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling."