Thursday, June 28, 2012's done....she's married! is done.      Kate & Josh got married Saturday, pulled out of our driveway at the end of the reception and flew off to Washington State to enjoy a week in Seattle and Mt. Rainier.  

I had no idea what an emotional experience it would be to see this beautiful child of mine - my first born child - that I've loved and cared for and invested in for so many years -- marry and leave my driveway that evening.

Whew!  It was rough.  Now..... I know.   I'm not the first mom that's had a daughter get married.   I know that.   But, I'm telling you.    It was a surreal day.  I tried my best to stay in the moment and soak it all in - but it was like I had an out of body experience all day.   I was watching it all unfold, but it was just all so surreal.

Man oh man.    Unprepared for the emotion of the day.     It was sweet and tender from start to finish.   I've known since the first time I laid eyes on Josh Deese that he would be my son-in-law.    I didn't tell Kate that, of course, until a year or so later.   But I knew it.    As we've spent time with him and gotten to know him better, we've all grown to love him.   But on that day - I tell you what.   He captured my heart.

But......Kate.    There in the driveway, just before she left.    Whew!   My girl.    In that one moment, every image of that child growing up flashed before my eyes - and I grabbed hold of her for dear life before she pulled out of my driveway- - and had me an ugly cry -- the kind you'd really rather not share with anybody else.

And then....a moment later, she was gone.

Post wedding, Scott & Taylor have been processing this in their own way too.

The day after the wedding, Taylor sat on the sofa for about 18 hours straight.   Come to think of it, I don't think she moved all day -- watching one depressing movie after another!     (That's pretty funny now that I think about it!)    She doesn't show her feelings easily -- (and she doesn't read my blog either, so I can say that and get away with it :)   ---so the depressing movies was her way of processing her sister being married off.

Scott.    He's still working through his feelings and emotions.   If you know Scott, you know that's to be expected.   He's a tender one.

What a time of life this is - sweet and tender and changing.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Wedding Week Panic!

My friend, Denine, would say - "I told you so."

Several months ago over lunch, I listened as she was clearly stressing about her daughter's upcoming plans to hold her wedding ceremony and reception in her backyard.    I remember doling out advise to:

- stop stressing
- relax & enjoy the process
- don't worry about it, it'll be fine

The same well meaning advise is being doled out on me now.    And I finally understand.   Denine was so RIGHT!     For the last stretch of months, whenever something about the wedding would come up, I would say all the right things -- all the things I really wanted to feel:

- there's no sense in getting worked up.
- why do mothers of the bride want to stress everybody out?
- it's a shame to get stressed out during such an important time in your life.
- that won't be true for us.
- i'm going to relax and enjoy myself!

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last night at midnight, I woke up in full blown panic attack mode.    Running through my mind was the unending TO DO list for this last week!    Plus, I haven't balanced my check book in about a month - what if we're over budget?  what if it rains?  what if we run out of food?   what if those corn hole bags don't get finished?  what if that guy won't let us borrow his '56 Ford truck?   how will I get it all done?

Denine was so RIGHT!

I was an idiot for trying to calm her down.

Breathe.     Breathe.    Breathe.

Last night as my anxiety level went through the roof, I started telling myself to breathe.

Whewwwwwwww.   Deep breath!

And I started to pray.     Lord, please put this long list of things in order for me.     Please give me the ability to accomplish what needs to be accomplished.    Lord, please calm me down.    Please give me peace.    Please give me peace.   Please give me peace.

And, this morning.      He had.    He's so faithful.    I had a cup of coffee out in my yard.    It felt wonderful.      I looked up at the sky.   At the clear day.    And I thanked Him for calm.    I thanked Him for peace.   I thanked Him for the week off from work so I could focus entirely on finishing up my list.

It's true.     The mama sets the tone of the whole house.     This mama needs to stay in the word this week and stay in prayer for peace.

And as people tell me this week to "enjoy the week"   "don't get stressed out"    "take it all in"  --- I'm going to look at them and receive it with the same grace that Denine showed me that day over lunch.

Breathing deeply all the while.    (Smile)

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Completely Out of Hand

Have you ever had something get completely out of hand?

This would be my butterfly bush.    Several months ago, I planted this foot high butterfly bush in what I thought would be the perfect location in my back yard.   A sunny spot.    Close enough to the house to enjoy.   Ideal.

There's just one detail.

I failed to read the little tag that was conspicuously attached to it.   The one that said it grows 12' high and gets to be about 5' wide.   Yeah.    I didn't read that part.    Details.

So my little butterfly bush has grown quite a bit.   In fact, it now dwarfs my favorite part of the bottle tree.    Can you see the bottles behind all the limbs?    Yeah.   That would be my once "garden centerpiece."    Now dominated by the butterfly bush.

I considered trimming it back before our backyard wedding reception in 16 days.    I've threatened to do that for weeks.......but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it.   This has caused me to delay.

It's beautiful, isn't it?      My butterfly bush is absolutely covered in these purple blooms right now.

And I noticed something else about my butterfly bush.     That bush is being USED.

Used by butterflies.
Used by bumble bees.
Used by granddaddy long legs.
Used by hummingbirds.
Used by assorted bugs & critters.

Over the last few weeks, I've seen all of those things USING the butterfly bush.   Here's a few shots I captured this afternoon while watching just 10 minutes with my camera.

The more I watched my butterfly bush, the more struck I became with how many "different" ways it was being USED.

And, I'm sorry.   I'm a simple woman.   What can I say?    This butterfly bush made me think about my own life.      God is using the heck out of this butterfly bush to care for and provide food and shelter for His bugs & critters.  How USEFUL is He finding me?

Good question.

I'm thinking about that.

And in the meantime, I spotted one more critter enjoying the bush.

My 14 year old cat, Jasper.    He enjoys a snooze there in the shade of it's limbs many afternoons a week.  Another use!   Shade.    Yeah.  I'll wait another week or two to trim it back.     Until then, it'll continue to be completely out of hand.......and incredibly USEFUL.

I like that.