Tuesday, August 12, 2014
This is Depression In Our House
The news has been flooded the last two days.
With stories of Robin William's suicide.
And battle with depression.
I thought he was genius.
And I grew up watching him on television and movies.
To see someone lose hope and end their life.
Good things......can come from tragedy.
And in this case.
A discussion has started.
It's been all over social media today.
People sharing and being transparent.
About their own battle with this disease.
I'm doing the same.
Depression is something I know very well.
It's been a part of my life for some time.
I've grown in my understanding of it.
And I recognize it.
In the lives of people.
The most important person in life.
My husband, Scott.
Has battled it for years.
If you don't know my family well.
That might come as a surprise.
He's one of the last people you would......expect.
To battle this disease.
Fun loving......huge personality.
Often the life of the party.
People are drawn to his humor.
And his faith.
It just goes to show.
Depression is very real.
And extremely prevalent.
It's a disease.
And no one is immune from it.
Tonight's post is in Scott's words.
In hopes others will relate.
Or reach out for the help they may need.
This is depression in our house:
"It took me quite by surprise.
Had I been able to see it coming,
I never would have expected it,
This feeling I have.
And it's all about a man I never met.
But loved nevertheless.
Robin Williams was always one of my favorites.
I believe I saw everything he ever did.
As an actor and comedienne.
I even remember listening to his routines on vinyl records.
When I was a teenager.
To think of some of things he did.
Makes me laugh.
Robin Williams is gone.
The saddest part.
It wasn't his bad heart that killed him.
But his broken mind.
He took his own life because of depression.
All day I have heard people say.
I don't get it.
How can someone with so much take their own life?
I would love to be able to say.
That I too.
But I can't.
I understand all too well.
I too suffer from depression.
If you asked.
Most people who know me.
Would probably say.
I'm the guy that has it all together.
Married 32 years to my high school sweetheart,
Still the love of my life.
Two beautiful, talented, amazing daughters.
Lots of friends.
From a good family.
Never in any trouble.
Always laughing and joking.
Until it was time to be serious.
In all truth.
I am indeed blessed by God.
And I have tried for years.
To share that blessing with others.
But for 26 years.
I have suffered from clinical depression.
It first came on me during a time of loss.
It seemed like the blues that attack everyone.
From time to time.
And for short periods it would go away.
The sun would rise again in my soul.
And I would be my old self.
But the darkness always returned.
Often for no reason at all.
Other than being tired or stressed.
Everything is fine.
And then the voice in my head would simply say.
You know this won't last.
You know you don't deserve this.
And at it's worst.
You know they would be better off if you weren't here.
I know why Robin did it.
You see many might be surprised.
To know that I've made those dark plans.
I've reasoned it out in my broken mind.
I've checked through my plans to make sure the insurance would pay off.
And that it would look like an accident.
But the intent.
Was I just couldn't do it anymore.
Life in the dark.
Life without hope.
Was just too hard to comprehend.
I just wanted peace.
I wanted the storm in my head to stop.
I wanted to go home.
God's word says.
Where there is no hope, the people perish.
I know what that looks like.
I have no life problems.
And that's the crazy thing.
My love for my amazing wife.
Is deep and lasting.
And our marriage is strong.
My kids are incredible.
I have money in the bank.
But a depressed mind.
Pays no attention to what is real.
A depressed mind.
Makes up demons to haunt the night.
A depressed mind sees problems that are not there.
And believe me.
There is no shaking it off.
No giving it time.
No pulling yourself up.
And getting it together.
This is a disease that must be fought.
Hard and proactively.
There is no shame in counseling and medication.
There is no weakness in asking for help.
There is nothing more important.
Than talking to those you love.
And someone that has been there.
I do it all the time.
Maybe you read this and you say.
I get that.
Please find help.
Know that there is hope.
And yes, at times.
It's an every day fight.
But it's worth fighting.
So get help.
As I have.
And so tonight.
I pray for Robin Williams.
I pray that he knew Jesus Christ.
I pray that he found peace in the arms of God.
I pray that one day I might get to meet Robin.
And share a laugh....
Because God is gracious.
And His hope spring eternal.
His blessings are new every morning."
August 12, 2014