Holding Out A Cup

When I started my blog last year, I promised myself two things:

1)    It wouldn't be a soapbox for me to voice "opinion."

       And no, there's nothing wrong with sharing your "opinion." There's
       just plenty of those out there already.  

2)    I would use it to share my life.  My story.   But even more important.
       I  would use my blog to show what God is teaching and showing me.

       Now, that's something worth blogging about.


So.   Here's one thing He's been teaching me....... for a while.

A hard truth.

I've really struggled much of my life with feeling "significant."

Down deep.     Just feeling significant in this world.

That's a little pathetic, huh?

But.......maybe you know a little about this?

I've made the mistake of often trying to find my significance in other people.  

Of finding my value in what others might think of me.

If "they" think I'm worthy, then I must be.

Do they think I'm smart enough?  spiritual enough?   personable enough?

The problem with looking to other people for my value and worth?

It will never be enough.....and they were never meant to have that responsibility.

I heard Beth Moore once say, that it's like holding out a cup in your hand all day.

We keep moving from one person to the next -  holding out our cup -- expecting
and looking for other people to fill it up --- to fill us up.

I'm a visual person.   So I totally started seeing myself that way.

One person may drop in  a coin or two.....and I move onto the next person.

Won't you make me feel good about myself?  Do you think I'm valuable?

I sometimes hold my cup out to my friends...

My family.   My husband.  My children.

My co-workers.  

Beth was right.   Holding out my cup to the people around me can be exhausting
for them.   They were never meant to fill me up.....or fill any void I have in my life.

Like I said.   I'm visual.   Once I heard the "cup" story, I became more aware that
was what I was doing myself.

I'm understanding better (thank you, Lord, I'm a work in progress!)  that my value
comes from Jesus.  No one else.

He finds me valuable.   He gives me significance.

And the thing is.    And don't miss this.   When He provides it for me.  
I don't need  it so much from others.    

Even as I write that.     I'm taking a deep sigh.      And Jesus is probably saying.

Maybe she finally get's it. 

And maybe, I finally do.


"I want you to experience the Joy of being loved constantly and perfectly.  You make
a practice of judging yourself, based on how you look or behave or feel.  If you like
what you see in the mirror, you feel a bit more worthy of My love.  When things go
smoothly and your performance seems adequate, you find it easier to believe you are
My beloved child.  When you feel discouraged, you tend to look inward so you can
correct what is wrong.  

Instead of trying to "fix" yourself, fix your gaze on Me, the Lover of your soul.  Rather
than using your energy to judge yourself, redirect it to praising Me.  Remember that I
clothed you in righteousness, radiant in My perfect love."

Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling."  

A Trail of Windows

Do you ever think about leaving a trail behind you?  For me, the trail is scattered with

windows -  "stained glass mosaic windows."   As an artist (of sorts) I love the idea that 

my work will live on long after I'm gone.    I really like that.

I learned how to handle, score and cut glass in a traditional stained glass class here in

Greenwood.    Although I love to look at traditional stained glass -- I didn't really "take"

to  the actual doing it.    It was very restrictive and precise.   That's not me....especially '

when it comes to "creating" art.

Of all places, I actually saw the technique of making "stained glass mosaics" on HGTV.   

(all good things really DO come from HGTV, you know.)  Mosaics are are more free 

flowing and less restrictive to create. That appealed much more to me.   Very soon, I 

started picking up old single pane windows from salvage businesses and started creating.

My technique has improved through the years.   I hope its evidenced from my first tree 

below (made in 2005) to the one directly under it (I made just a few months ago.)  I've 

also gotten much faster.  I can complete a window now in two-three days (if I can steady

work on it)  instead of a couple of weeks.

I've kept a log - and I've now created 47 windows since  2005.    I've given most of 

them away to friends......and family.....only a few have I actually sold or done 

on commission.

My inspiration comes from lots of things.   My favorite subject is probably trees.  I've 

done a lot of those.

this was my very first tree made in 2005 - and the first one I ever entered into a Juried Art Show.

this one I made a few months ago - i've used my glass to fund my last two trips to Kenya.
this piece was raffled on facebook over the course of two months & earned over
$2000 for my traveling costs.   not too shabby.

And I've done many other trees:

this one was done for my friend, Jana & her husband.

I raffled this tree to help pay for a mission trip to Kenya in 2011.

Many of my trees have been given as wedding gifts.  This one
was given to Jennings & Ryan with the inscription at the base of the
tree "Let Love Rest Here"

this one was a wedding gift to Kelly, with her married initial "B" added at the base.

this one was a wedding gift to Hannah & Traylor.

other trees were given for special occasions - Kate's graduation from PT school.

a house warming gift for a co-worker.

Sun's are also a favorite subject for my glass:

I tried my hand at lettering on a couple of pieces:

This was a special memorial window for a friend.

a friend's initials.

And others:

dandelions.

this one a surprise gift for a friend's mom -- four season runner.

a fun piece for a high flying friend.

growing vines for a friend's growing children.

a special birthday gift for someone that loves lighthouses.

And a wide variety of others:

a friend asked for a mosaic that depicted the Holy Spirit -- tough concept to capture!

Other pieces related to faith:

Other's were taken from unusual/fun sources for inspiration:

this graphic idea came from a Christmas gift bag.

this one from a Pier One coffee mug.

this one from a flower garden.

this one from Taylor's love for owls.

I've had a number of people express an interest in learning how to do mosaics.   Watch 

for a future blog on how to make them - start to finish.   It's not hard at all.   

My hope?  that my mosaics get handed down for a generation or two in the families of 

my friends.....hanging in windows or on porches long after I'm gone.   

That would be pretty cool.

Tears of a Woman Named Agnes

I've been thinking about sharing this story on my blog since I arrived home from Kenya
about six weeks ago.

It's Agnes's story - a shy, young Masai woman that lives in an isolated area of Kenya
called Mbogonia.

It was our last afternoon working in the area.   Our team divided up into three groups and
headed off in opposite directions to do a home visit.    As God would have it, my group
trekked off on a footpath to Agnes's hut - a short distance away.  I was about to have an
encounter I don't think I'll ever be able to forget.

We brought some tea, and sugar and a bible printed in Agnes's language as a
welcoming gift.  She  was shy and a little guarded with us at first.  When I think about
it though --how strange we must have seemed to Agnes.   Six Americans.....bounding
toward her home.   I'm sure it was quite an experience for her too.

Our plan that afternoon was to build a relationship.  We came to meet Agnes and her
family and to help her with household chores.   It was clear right away that she was
there alone with her children.   Unlike the outgoing kids we had been playing with and
loving on all week, Agnes's children seemed much more withdrawn.    They remained a
good distance away, at the back of their home while we were there.

Agnes has a family dog -- and some chicks.  Her place is neat and well kept.

Agnes shared tea with our group and made us feel very welcome. With the help of our
interpreter, she soon shared with us that she was a believer.    As we asked if there
was anything we could pray for her about, she told us about her abusive husband.

He was gone for long periods of time, so the responsibility of running her home,
taking care of her children and all the animals fell on her.  Agnes has five children.
Her husband won't allow any of the children to go to school -- and he forbids Agnes
from going to church.

As she opened up more, she shared that the last time she was able to attend
church was last Christmas Eve.   She went to a special service at a nearby church.
When her husband learned she was there, he drug her out of the church building
in front of all it's members -- and stoned her.

Agnes said that her husband was once a believer too, but had hardened his heart
toward God and toward her.   She asked that we pray that God would soften
his heart again - and that she would be able to return to church.

We prayed over Agnes.  I was sitting on a low wooden bench beside
her when the prayers began.   Our interpreter repeated our prayers in Agnes's
language so she could understand.   Almost immediately, Agnes buried her face
in the young baby she carried on her hip - and began to sob her heart out.

The memory of her sobs that afternoon is something I don't think I'll ever forget.

As the prayer finished, we were all crying with her.

That afternoon, we shoveled cow dung around Agnes's hut and drank chai tea out of
her tin cups.  Scott told me later it was the most satisfying day of work he had ever
done.

Before we left an hour or so later, we prayed with her again -- this
time joining hands with her in a circle.   As she held our hands - her tears dropped onto
the ground below -- like rain.

What difference did we make there that afternoon?  I believe Agnes was encouraged
that we cared.  She believed we were sent by God to her -- and I saw a smile on
her face before we left.    The Bible that we brought had to come back with us.
She said she couldn't keep it.   Her husband would never allow it.

If there was a difference made that day, it was made in each of us.  We were impacted
by Agnes.   By her plight in this world and her burden.

Do this for me if you will.    If you've read this blog and have seen Agnes's face,
would you commit to pray for her?    Pray for her to be encouraged.   Pray that God
will work in her husband's life.  That He would change her husband's heart.  that
the children would be allowed to attend school -- and that Agnes and her children
can return to church.

She's a real person in a very hard circumstance.

I bet if Agnes knew that believers on the other side of the world were praying for her
right now, that smile would return to her face -- and she would look up to God in that
HUGE African sky -- and cry to Him in thanks.

Pray.     And remember her story.      It's staying with me.
  

Starting the New Year With Beth Moore

If any of my Greenwood area blog friends would like to participate in a Beth Moore
Bible Study of  "James: Mercy Triumphs" - I'll be leading it at my home on Monday
nights (for 8 weeks) beginning January 28th from 6:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.

Here's a youtube video clip:

http://youtu.be/siJzZrmUdS4

We'll kick off our shoes, enjoy a cup of hot tea, comfie sofas & the fellowship of other
women and hear an excellent word from this DVD series.    

Respond with a comment below if you'd like to come.   We have room for about
12 women.

Happy New Year!

A "Hill A Beans" of Difference

Do you know what I love to do?

Cut grass.

At our house, that's pretty much my established job.

There is something completely satisfying about cutting grass.

I can look behind me and see exactly where I've been.

And exactly what I've accomplished.

I don't have to tell you.  

There's not too many places in my life, where I can do that.

So.    It's the last few days of 2012.

And.......I'm doing what I do when I cut grass.

Glancing behind me.

To see where I've been.

Do you ever do that?

Not dwell on it.  
Or obsess about it.

But look back just long enough to see....

And ask.

Did my existence on the planet make a "hill a beans" of difference this year?

As a cancer survivor, I can tell you.  

The effectiveness and usefulness of my life is something I think about.

I want to make a difference with the time that I'm here.

Mostly, I just want to be someone Jesus can use in this world.

So, I'm looking back over my shoulder......just a little while today.

With some questions about this last year.

Did I make my time with Him a priority?

Did I offer forgiveness?

Was I willing to serve?

Did I have a hard conversation that's been a long time coming?

What was I willing to let go of this year?

Did I grow in understanding?

Who did I reach out to this year?

Did I depend on Him more?

Am I any different or changed at the end of this year, than I was when it started?

Man.

I wish the answers to those questions was as easy for me to distinguish as my grass cutting.

I have a feeling it is......for Him.

" I am preparing you for what is on the road ahead, just around the bend.
Take time to be still in My presence so that I can strengthen you.
The busier you become, the more you need this time apart with Me.
So many people think that time spent with Me is a luxury they cannot afford.
As a result, they live and work in their own strength -- until that becomes depleted.
Then they either cry out for help or turn away in bitterness.

How much better to walk close to Me,
depending on my strength and trusting Me in every situation.
If you live this way, you will do less but accomplish far more. 
Your unhurried pace of living will stand out in this rush crazed age.
Some people may deem you lazy, but many more
will be blessed by your peacefulness.
Walk in the light with Me, and you will reflect Me
to the watching world."

Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling."              

Isaiah 64:4  John 15:5  Psalm 36:9

Favorite Gift Given & Received

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.

My family did.  Christmas seemed to last longer this year.    Family visits were more
spread out.  For the first time in many years, we changed things up so that all we did on
Christmas Day was open presents, enjoy a long breakfast (blueberry stuffed french toast,
turkey bacon, fresh fruit & lots of coffee) and lounge around......until lunch time.....anyway.

Like you, I probably received much more than I needed for Christmas.   But I wanted to
share my favorite gift given and received.

My favorite gift given was this:

  
Yep.     A hot water bottle!   (with an Etsy purchased hot water bottle cover!)

I first discovered the huge benefits of a hot water bottle here:

When we stayed at Sweetwater Tented Camps on the last night of our trip to Kenya, we
came back from dinner at night with our bed turned down and a hot water bottle secretly
tucked away beneath the sheets.

Oh my!  In a tent and on a very cool evening, the hot water bottle (complete with a red
plaid cover) was heaven!

I vowed when I got home this year to buy one for myself.

Which I did.

(p.s. this one is made by a company called "fashy" - and it's terrific!)

And then I also bought and gave a few as Christmas gifts.   I'm telling you.   On a winter
evening, these hot water bottles are a treat!   and they stay warm long into the following
morning!

And my favorite gift received?

It was something my mom didn't have to go out and buy.   She pulled these treasurers out
of her cabinets and closets:

Handwoven baskets made by my grandma, Pauline.    A pair of scissors that belonged
to my grandpa, Wister.   A glass bowl that belonged to my grandma, Lila.  And a few other
pieces that belonged to my great-grandmother and others.

Pretty cool.

Hope all of you had as blessed a Christmas as i did.

I'll see you in the New Year!