What is Obvious on Me?

In a world full of people.

Like me.

That long for peace.

Peace in my days.

And peace as I rest at night.

In a world full of people.

Like me.

That long for something meaningful.

To invest in.

That search for purpose.

In the day-to-day.




I don't have to look very far.

To see a world full of people.

Like me.

That need Him.

And if He doesn't show up.

On those of us that carry His name.

What does that say about us?

What does that say about me?



Because.

He's not in a political party.

Or in the finger pointing, judgmental that use His name.

He's not in the legalistic.

Self-righteous.

And He's not in a neatly wrapped up box.

Where religious people try to confine Him.




He gets involved in the messy.

And gives hope.

To a world full of people.

Like me.

Messed up.

Flawed.

Full of faults.



When people see me.

Do they see anything of Him?

Does He show up on me?



Do I show.

That He is good?

And only wants what's best for me.

That He is so personal?

And reveals Himself  in ridiculously small and ordinary ways.

That He's full of grace?

And quick to offer forgiveness.

That He pursues my heart?

Even when I don't want to be pursued.

That He wants a relationship with me?

Even when I push Him to the far corners of my day.

That He is patient?

When I doubt for the millionth time that He'll come through.

That He's promised to always be with me?

Even when its easier.

To believe I'm totally on my own.

That He loves me?

Really loves me.

Unconditionally.

Completely.

Better than anyone else possibly could.




That's what a world full of people.

Like me.

Needs.

To see Him.

Through us.

Through me.

Circling the Wagons Against Discouragement

I really hate to admit it.

But I've been fighting discouragement.

Yep.

Plain old.

Unattractive.

Pointless.

Discouragement.


A very effective weapon of the enemy.

I'm trying to figure out where mine is coming from.

It may be physical.

Not enough down time.

Not enough solitude.

Not enough rest.

That's when I'm vulnerable.


It may be from something else.

Too many things going out.

Not enough good things going back in.



So I'm circling the wagons.

I'm making time to journal.

It usually helps me to write it out on paper.

There's something about writing it down.

Everything always seems more manageable when I look at it in my own hand writing.



And I'm pulling back.

To spend more time with Him.

To pray.

And sit.

And think.

To ask for answers.

To ask for understanding.

To ask for courage.




I'm also following the advise I've given to others.

I'm focusing on gratitude.

My thankful list is a mile long.

And for me.

Gratitude.

Can be a powerful truth against discouragement.



So.

As I sit.

And think.

And look for answers.

And understanding.

It always comes back to Him.


"Have I not commanded you?

Be strong and courageous.

Do not be terrified.

Do not be discouraged.

For the Lord your God will be with you

Wherever you may go."      

Joshua 1: 9.



There you go.

That about says it.

I'll get a good night's sleep tonight.

And tomorrow.

I'll circle the wagons.

And find more balance.

And remember.

Who's with me.

What I Love About Dianne

I worked with Dianne Hilley for the best part of 25 years.

She made the very selfish decision to retire three weeks ago.

Imagine that.

Retiring!

She'd rather be footloose and free.

Than work with me.

Hmmmm.

I've worked with some of the very best people I've ever met.

Good to the core people.

And Dianne falls into that category for sure.

We shared a lot of life together these last 25 years.

I admired her spiky black hair.

And her bold drive-by treasure hunting.

There was a time when a curb side cast-off would be flung in her back seat
quicker than you could whistle dixie.

She loved "her people."

(Dianne's code name for the seniors under her care.)

It was mutual.

I never saw the top of her desk.

In all those years.

She had a messy, unorganized charm about her.

And while I'm sure it bothered me a little early on.

I eventually learned that it didn't really matter at all.

She did her job.

And did it  very well.

Dianne has a beautiful heart.

Between mission trips & a love for shabby, old things.

She's been a kindred spirit.

Fun loving.

Spunky.

Feisty.

Kind.

There's been more than a few times.

I've looked Dianne in the eyes and said "trust me."

Thankfully, we had that kind of relationship.

She did.

And when she told me she thought it was time to retire.

I trusted her.

I'll miss you, girl!

Enjoy yourself.

Do all the things that are important for you to do.

You've blessed me.



Happy Retirement.

I love you.

Going It Alone

More times than not.

I've tried to go it alone.

Miss independent.

My way.

Or the highway.

Under my own strength.

My own abilities.

Me.    My.     Alone.




I am getting some experience.

However.

In considering a different way.

Like you.

I've found myself in circumstances.

I've been woefully inadequate to walk through on my own.

What a revelation.



It wasn't until.

I faced a situation.

I was in no way equipped to handle.

That I first begrudgingly tried letting Him "help" me in it.

And.

Low and behold.

What do you know?!

He showed up in the situation I invited Him to work in.

And did what I couldn't do on my own.



In my relationships with women.

I see this a lot.

We're juggling so many things.

Work.  Home.  Children.   Families.

Finances.

Other people's expectations.

Not enough time.

Definitely, not enough energy.

And we try to do it alone.

Under our own strength.

Using our own reserves.



Sarah Young wrote.

"When your path is dotted with difficulties, beware of measuring your strength
against those challenges.

The way to walk through demanding days is to grip My hand tightly and stay
in close communication with Me. 

"I stand silently in the background of your mind, waiting for you to remember
that I am with you.




It always begins with a challenge or need.

"How will I get it all done today?"

"I don't know how I'll forgive her."

"I need the right words."

"I don't know how we'll move beyond this."



Whatever the situation.

I start with admitting I don't have the answer.

And I ask.

Give me what I don't have.

Please show up in this.

And when room is provided.

He does.

With simplicity.

And complete reliability.

And while I may still choose to go it alone.

For some unknown reason.

I never have to.

Ready or Not ---Going Gray!

Until now,

I just haven't been ready.

I'm plenty old enough, mind you.

But, I've had trouble.

Trouble imagining myself.

Visualizing,

Not just what I would look like.

But.

What I would feel like.

If I go gray.

Yep.

It's been a little intimidating.

And I've looked at it with dread.

That taking that step.

Meant the end.

Of life as I know it.

I know.

A tad dramatic!

Geez.

Going gray.

Isn't as crucial as stopping elephant poaching in Africa.

Fighting childhood obesity.

Or finding a cure for Alzheimer's.

But.

It's been somewhat of a big thing for me.

It was turning a corner.

A rite of passage.

If not physically.

Certainly, emotionally.



So I prepared.

I started where all important visual journeys begin.

With pinterest.

I started searching "gray hairstyles."

And.

Found.

Gray is having somewhat of a comeback.

Look at Merle Streep in "The Devil Wears Prada."

Helen Mirren.

Even Rosanne looks pretty good in gray.

I felt encouraged.

And took the plunge.

I passed on this week's hair color appointment.

Instead.

Katie just gave me a cut.

"It shouldn't take long to grow the gray out" she encouraged me.

She always says the right thing.


So.

I've determined.

That for me.

Gray will be a new journey.

I love a new journey.

Gray will be artsy and fun.

Gray will be a new beginning.

Gray will be........hopefully.......okay.

On me.



But more than anything.

Pulling it off.

(and my youngest told me I can totally pull it off.)

May have more to do with other things.

Than the color of my hair.

The peace in my spirit.

The passion I have for things I love.

The evidence of joy of my face.

Those things........with gray hair.

And it may turn out alright.

The Predictable Way Home

The older I get.

The less appealing.

Predictable is to me.

I think it's because.

I'm wanting more.

Not more for the sake of more.

Or different just for the sake of different.

I'm wanting what's more valuable.

I'm wanting  what's more worthwhile.

And I'm beginning to see.

That often means doing what's less predictable.


I've spent a lot of time over the last month.

Recruiting friends and family to travel to Kenya.

And its reminded me.

That valuable experiences.

Impacting experiences.

Can......and often do come.

Off the routine path.


I want more of that for myself.

Not in a mid-life crisis, irresponsible way.

But in a stepping off the well worn path kind of way.

It's there.

I'm convinced.

The best things in life can happen.



Scott & I headed home today from a weekend trip.

And instead of going the predictable way home.

We set out on a different path.

Not exactly sure what we'd see.

But open to going a new way.



There was a lesson in that for me.

We're all headed home.

But while I'm here.

I don't want to circle in "deeply rutted paths." 

Or "well worn paths of routine."

I need some adventure.

I'm not interested in a predictable life.

I'm not interested in the predictable way home.




" Many people are so preoccupied with future plans and decisions
that they fail to see choices they need to make today.

Without any conscious awareness, they make their habitual responses.
People who live this way find a dullness creeping into their lives.
They sleepwalk through their days, following well worn paths of routine.

I will not leave you circling in deeply rutted paths.
Instead, I will lead you along fresh trails of adventure, 
revealing to you things you did not know.

Stay in communication with Me.  Follow My guiding presence."

                                                                 Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling"

Motherhood: I'm Not A Trail Blazer

When I was having my own children.

I took some level of comfort in knowing.

Others had done it before me.

Seriously.

It helped knowing that women had been having babies.

For centuries and centuries.

Before me.

I was not alone.

And I certainly wasn't a trail blazer.

I could do it!

And I did.



Years later.

I worked with a wonderful woman named Jane.

Like many of you.

My co-workers were.

And are.

An important part of my life.

Jane was about a decade older than me.

And as I struggled through parenting.

During that season of my life.

Middle school.

High school.

Teenagers.

Jane was always a step ahead of me.

In the motherhood journey.

I leaned on her advise.

And took a great deal of comfort.

When she would tell me.

I know.

You'll get through this.

I understand.

It'll be okay.

And Jane was right.

And I did.



Now.

I'm in that motherhood role.

Of having adult children.

And it is so strange.

I have to say.

To shift gears completely.

From what my role as mom once was.

In the early days.

To what it is today.




Who does this part well?

Do you?

I honestly have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm in completely uncharted waters.

Or am I?

I'm going where centuries of women have gone before,

And that should give me some comfort.

I'm still not a trail blazer.



Jane retired from our office.

I've really missed her friendship.

And her advise.

But an unexpected thing happened.

I've begrudgingly shifted into that role.

My co-workers now look at me.

The older one.

The one that's a step ahead.

In the motherhood journey.



I guess I better be figuring this out.

There's a lot of uncertainty.

Like, what relationships define me now?

What's involved?

But, not too involved?

Will I be a wise and interesting older woman?

That invests in this world in other ways?

Geez.

I hope so.



I haven't figured it out.

Yet.

But, hopefully.

I'm in the process.

And I will.