I Never Get Used To It

We've been back for 15 days.

And I've thought about the trip.

A million times.

And missed these guys.

Like crazy.

We were a small group.

The smallest I've ever served with.

Just 11 of us.

And we became tight.

No surprise.



And going with him?

Yeah.

I loved it.

It was like going home.

And reconnecting with family.

While a few of us had been before.

Most of the team had never been to Africa.

Never seen this part of the world.

So I had the added gift.

Of seeing Segera through their eyes.

For the first time.

There were unforgettable moments.

and great beauty.

photo by brandon bartlett

It's a strange experience.

To go there.

And come back.

Missing.

All of it.




I never get used to it.

10 Things Kenya HasTaught Me

10.  

I learned that a group of strangers traveling to the other side of the world can quickly

become close friends.

Some....in fact,

come into my life

and stay long after I return home.

9.

I learned to love hot tea.

It's amazing.

8.

I learned that children are the same.....everywhere.

Goofy.

Silly.

Sassy.

Pesky.

Unforgettable.

7.

I learned to appreciate traffic signals and stop signs.

That aren't just suggestions.

6.

I learned how resourceful people can be

to get the job done.

5.

I learned to trust Jesus more.

The 18 hour flight

is just the tip of the iceberg.

4.

I learned what it really means to be without.

It changed my view of need

and want forever.

3.

I learned that faith

has very little to do with what you have

and everything to do 

with how much room you make for Him in your life.

2.

I learned how important it is to me.

That more people go.

And see for themselves.

1.  

I learned that fear

can be a powerful obstacle.

But a life lived too safely

has it's own dangers too.

Depending on Myself

Growing up in church,

I never really understood what people meant.

When they spoke about the Holy Spirit.



About the power.

Of the Holy Spirit.

Or being filled.

With the Holy Spirit.

It was like a foreign language to me.

I had no experience with it.

I didn't understand it.



That began to change.

When I read a book.

Called "The Shack" by William P. Young.

Some of you may be disappointed or surprised to hear that.

That's okay with me.

"The Shack" is a novel.

And it helped me.

Understand.

The concept of.....Father....Son & Holy Spirit.

The relationship between the three.



Reading the book.

Gave me a better understanding of the Holy Spirit I read about in scripture.

It started making sense to me.

In a practical way.

I know that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me as a believer.

That He offers me power and guidance.

To do.

What I cannot do on my own.




About this time.

I was in a season of life.

When the demands I felt placed on me.

Were so far above what i could meet on my own.

I was willing to ask.

And eager to have.

Any power and guidance He would give me.



I started putting it to the test.

Last year.

I was facing a very difficult meeting at work.

Everything about the situation placed me clearly in an underdog role.

I was nervous.

I felt weak.

By my own account.....I was ill equipped.

As close to a David & Goliath situation as I had ever personally encountered.



Facing this kind of situation before.

I would have invested countless hours rehearsing.

And preparing a strategy.

I would have depended on my own abilities.

My own wits.

I would have depended on myself.



But, not this time.

The day of the meeting came.

I did something I had never fully done before.

I prayed.

And specifically asked God to fill me with His spirit at this meeting.

To fight what I perceived as a battle.

For me.

To give me the words.

I needed.

The words I felt sure I wouldn't have on my own.

To trust Him.

To come through for me.



It was a turning point for me in my faith.

The meeting took place.

And I experienced what I can only describe.

 As a confidence.

A boldness.

A fierceness.

I could never have mustered on my own.

Words came out of my mouth.

And I expressed myself in such a way.

I almost didn't recognize my own voice.

It was Him.

It was the Holy Spirit in me.

And experiencing it for myself.

Changed me.



Since that day.

I've become more intentional.

In situations where I felt attacked.

God, fight this battle for me.


Or when I'm dreading a hard conversation.

God, give me the words I need to say.


When I'm impatient or put off by somebody.

God, help me to show them grace.


When I'm not sure which choice to make.

God, be clear -- guide me.   Give me direction.


If I'm physically tired and exhausted.

God, restore me.  Give me the energy I need.




Ultimately.

What was always so mysterious and complex to me before.

Became more simple.

He lives in me.

He's willing and eager.

For me to ask for His help.

He can do immeasurably more.

Immeasurably more.

In my weakness.

Than in my self-sufficiency.



"......when your energy fails you,
do not look inward and lament
the lack you find there.

Look to me and my sufficiency;
rejoice in my riches
that are abundantly available to help you..."


Sarah Young "Jesus Calling."

If You're Not Ready to Die

Scott and I are finally getting around to it.

After much procrastination.

Having our wills done.

I'd say.

It's about high time that we did.



Like most people.

We've put it off.

Out of sight.

Out of mind.

But.

We're getting ready to travel overseas together soon.

There's something about......traveling that kind of distance.

It prompted us......finally.

To woman up (in my case.)

Or man up (in his.)

And take care of it once and for all.




It's that taking care of it.

Over the last few days.

That caused me to start thinking this through.

It's a bit sobering.

But not nearly as important.

I know.

As what I do with my time while I'm here.

I've read through Philippians recently.

And this grabbed my attention in my study notes of that book:



"if you're not ready to die,
then you're not ready to live."

"make certain of your eternal destiny, 
then you will be free to serve - 
devoting your life to what really counts -
without fear of death."



There's truth in that for me.

It took cancer to get my attention.

And open my eyes...... to many things.

My mortality.

Certainly one of them.

Will I be ready when the time comes?

I don't think any of us really knows how we'll react in that moment.

But am I assured of my eternal destiny?

With complete peace and without hesitation, I can say....I am.



I hope that assurance.

Prompts me to greater freedom.

I like that word.

Freedom.

To travel.

And serve.

To take risks.

To step out of what's comfortable.

To devote myself to the things that really matter.

To live.