Straight Up Parenting Genius

Who would have thought,

that one of my proudest parenting moments.

In all the years of mothering my girls.

Would come from the simple image you see above.

A janitor's closet.

Yep.  

There among the trash bags, the mops and window cleaner.

That's where it happened.

Kate was starting her sophomore year at Clemson.

A member of the Women's Rowing Team.

She was given an opportunity to move in one day early that fall.

With one stipulation.

She must join her teammates in helping incoming Freshmen on "move in" day.

Simple.   Straightforward.    Tote refrigerators & comforters.

Pillows and mini-frig's.

Okay...

So, Kate moved in one day early.

And the next morning?

Well......

She wasn't feeling the whole Freshman move in thing so much.

Nahh......just not feeling it.

So......

She didn't help.

Like me, you might be surprised.

That anybody really noticed.

Clemson's a big school, right?

And Freshman move in day is pretty chaotic.

Cars parked everywhere.

Masses of parents and students in and out.

Did anyone really notice that she didn't show?

Well.....

As it turned out......yes.

Why yes, they did.

Not only did they notice.

They took quite a bold step.

They mailed her mama and daddy.

That would be "us."

An invoice.

A $100 fine for moving in one day early.

And......not helping as she had agreed.

Sophomore, Kate Dublin.

Student.   Unemployed.   No source of income.

My kid.

Staring blankly at the invoice.

My mouth hung open.

I asked my sweet husband.

"What should we do?"

"Kate doesn't have the money to pay this!?"

"And I can promise you, I don't think we should HAVE to pay it!?"

My sweet husband.

My sweet, "enabling" husband.

He showed the same grace to Kate that he offers so freely to me.

"It's not a big deal," he says.

"She's a good kid."

"Just send them a check."

(Silence)

Just send them a check?

JUST SEND THEM  A CHECK?????

I can only describe what happened next as a stroke of mother genius!

A plan so diabolical and perfect, no father would ever consider it!

It hit me in a flash.

"Heck no, I'm not sending them a check!" I said.

"I know what to do!"

And yes.

I did what any self-respecting, non-enabling, genius mother would do.

I called the housing department at my dear alma mater.

And I asked if Kate could "work off" her $100 debt to Clemson University.

What wonderful, insightful (CLEARLY parents themselves) staff worked there.

"Yes," they said.

"We can work that out."

"Just have Kate report to our office after class this week."

And I did.

She hardly blinked an eye and went straight away.

Thinking perhaps she might have to sit at a desk or monitor a dorm lobby.

hehehe......(smile)

No.

Instead, those insightful.

creative people.

At the Housing Department at Clemson.

They assigned my daughter to the custodial team on campus.

Yep.

The custodial team.

Those wonderful, under appreciated people who clean up after football games.

Who keep the bathrooms tidy and the paper towel dispensers filled.

That.........hard working team.

It was a proud moment.

I won't lie.

Just the thought of it brings a smile to my face!

Justice!

She worked off her $100 early move in fine.

Picking up trash.

Cleaning up after her classmates.

Working side by side.

With the custodial crew across campus.

Kate on a custodial crew golf cart.

Trash bags in tow.

Waving to her friends.

Who were........

No doubt a little confused.

Ahhh..........

Some things just linger on long after they have passed.

This memory has for me!

One of my best mother moments.

Ever!

And on a more serious note.

Why do we think that we ever do our kids a favor by protecting them from
consequences......and hardship?

And no.

I'm not throwing stones, here.

Remember.....she was in college before I fully figured this one out.

We don't do our kids any favors by swooping in to work out their
problems.    Or smooth things over for them.

Or to send in a check to cover their mistakes.

Sometimes.

They may just need to climb on a golf cart.

Swing a bag of trash over their shoulder.

And.....

well, you know the rest.

Rain

Rain.

I love to walk in it.

I love to watch it.

I love the sound of it.

I love to stretch my hands out in it.

I love the idea that it's watering all living things.

Including me.

One really warm day last summer, we'd been without rain for a some time.

Then it started to pour.

I quietly slipped out into the backyard with a wide brimmed hat.

Sat down in one of our Adirondack chairs.

I put my face to the sky

and let it drench me.

It felt amazing!

(never mind my family gathered at the door and looked at me like I
 had four heads.)

I didn't care.

It felt wonderful!

That memory has carried with me for months.

Just as rain has touched me physically.

It's also teaching me spiritually.

I am finding that God sometimes speaks to me in "themes."

Has that ever been true for you?

For some time, He's been speaking to me about rain.

Every time I turn around, I'm seeing rain used in scripture.

Or in a sermon at church.

Even more recently in a bible study I just finished.

And the meaning for me?

I'm listening and paying attention to what He's trying to show me.

Here's one cool example.

Splashing!

Beth Moore shared once in a teaching that we all splash on others in
our lives.

We literally go around throughout our day, splashing on everybody we encounter.

It created an immediate visual for me.

Splashing on other people in our lives.

And made me consider.

What do I splash?

Do I splash encouragement?

or do I unintentionally splash discouragement?

Do I splash bitterness?

or do I splash love?

Am I splashing any unforgiveness on others?

Or am I splashing acceptance?

We're all splashing something.

Rain.   Splashing.

I'm paying attention.

And I'm listening.

Cause there's a message directly for me in it.

And I don't want to miss it.

Comfort

I was thinking tonight about the things in my life that bring me comfort.

I have these shabby (okay - and a little dirty) slip on sneakers from Old Navy.
And yes.  I feel you judging me now.   They look a little shabbier
on camera --- but......they are SO comfortable!

I love my home.   When I walk up to my backdoor at the end of the day,
it's warm and inviting.  I feel safe.  I feel  total comfort inside this door.

And without a doubt, I find "comfort" in my favorite foods.  I enjoyed this one
tonight.

A bowl of cheese grits!

There are others.

Grilled Cheese Sandwiches.

Chicken Corn Chowder Soup.    

Cornbread drizzled in honey.

Goodness!

And one of my favorites - especially in the morning.

A cup of coffee with my hazelnut creamer.  Pure comfort!

Without a doubt, I find comfort in relationships -- especially with my family.   Scott
brings me a ton of comfort.

I used to think that God must be all about my comfort.

That is His goal, right??

That I be without fear.....without uneasiness......without risk.

That I be totally and completely comfortable.

I'm afraid the answer to that is sadly, "no."

Well, maybe not "sadly, no."

More like.     HECK NO!

I don't believe God is concerned at all with my "comfort."

He's more interested in me being "useful" to Him.

And available.

Don't get me wrong.

I do need and enjoy comfortable things in my life.

I just don't need to cling to and hang onto those things,

at the expense of following Him.

To those places.

To those situations.

In those conversations.

and opportunities that He brings across my path.

That STRETCH ME and make me feel uneasy.

I spent a good many years of my life protecting myself from risk.

Comfort was my goal for a very long time.

It was what I wanted most.

I never considered that always playing it safe.

Avoiding what made me afraid.

Fearful.

Anxious.

Uneasy.

Would actually be the very thing.

The very thing.

That 
sucked 
all 
the 
satisfaction 
and 
joy
from 
my 
life.

I wish you could learn from my mistakes.

As I talk to women.

I hear so many of them talk about FEAR.

I'm afraid to open up and share myself with others.

I'm afraid to move from my hometown.

I'm afraid to go that far from home.

I'm afraid to leave that job.

I'm afraid to end that relationship.

I'm afraid to confront that person.

I'm afraid to fly that far.

I'm afraid.

Many times, fears become paralyzing.

Fears keep us stuck.

Fears keep us from fulfilling the very purpose we were put on
planet earth to accomplish.

From really doing the thing.

Living life.

Living the life that God wants to provide for us.

I wish I could get you to see.

My mistake.

But I understand.

I had to find it out on my own, too.

Taking more risks.

Being willing to be uncomfortable and uneasy.

It has transformed my life.

No exaggeration.

It has given me life.

Without a doubt...... a more abundant life.

All I did was start.

I did what was uncomfortable.

God provided me greater strength.

I did what made me uneasy.

God provided me greater courage.

Now?

I don't blink at getting on a plane and flying to the other side of the world.

I discovered an amazing thing.

Facing my fears did not kill me.

It's there, I FOUND life.

On the other side of my fear.

And so can you.

There's plenty I don't know.

But this one?

I got it!

I'm not ever going back.

Ohhh.....That Mouth!

I'm betting, like me......

your mouth gets you in trouble from time to time.

Yes?

My mouth has gotten me in trouble....many times.

This week, in fact.

When I should have.............paused.

I blurted.

I'm going through the most unusual season of time right now.

In my walk with Jesus.

I know that He's always with me.

But right now.

He seems to be speaking to me --- everywhere I turn.

Through....His word.    My circumstances.    Other people.  

Speaking directly.....with laser precision....into what I'm facing.

I must say.

I LOVE that.

I know He's always attentive to my circumstances.

But right now.

I'm very aware of his presence in my life.

And He seems to have a word for me just as quickly as I
have need to hear it.

So.

In trying to encourage a friend this week.

When I should have.......paused.

I blurted.

My blurting was not timely.   It wasn't appropriate.   It may have even
done harm.

I knew it immediately.   But it was too late.

The very next morning.

During my quiet time.

I was reading out of "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.

And because He wanted to give me a word about my mouth.

This was in my devotion for the day.

"Pause before responding to people or situations, giving My spirit
space to act through you."

Yep.     Okie Dokie.

You need me to talk less and pause more.

Pause.

Okay, I replied!     I hear you!

I got it!

Lesson learned.

And just like He does as well.

He gave me an opportunity a few days later.

To show Him that I actually did listen.

That I actually did receive his timely word.

This time, someone blurted out to me.

It wasn't so pretty.

What did I do?

I straightened my shoulders.

Took a deep breath.

I considered my options.

And paused.

And in that pausing.

I let the Holy Spirit speak to me.    Just like He wanted me to.

I paused.

Because, once it's out.

You can't take it back.

"Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can 
ruin everything."   Proverbs 13:3.

That's my word for the week.

Pause.

Simple Joys

"Don't take yourself so seriously.  Lighten up and laugh with me."  
Sarah Young, "Jesus Calling."

This has only happened to me twice that I can remember in the twelve years!

And you cannot imagine my excitement!

I drive from my home near the Abbeville/Greenwood line across Greenwood 

on the 72 By-Pass to my office 20 minutes away every weekday morning.

In my little manual transmission Ford Fiesta.

There are FIFTEEN red lights on my path.    Count them.     15!   

Well.   Be still my heart!

Last Friday morning as I was driving to work, I did not hit a single red light!   

I had the green lights all the way to work.

Yes!   through 15 green lights -- all the way to work!

I know!  It was the BEST thing ever!

About half way in, I noticed it ---- and since it's only happened once before in all

these years, my enthusiasm started building by the time I drove through the light

near Starbucks.

Then came the one near NewSpring.

Followed by the double lights back to back at the old Gary Russ Chevrolet and

Bojangles.  (If I was going to catch one, it had to be here!)

My heart started beating in anticipation!

Yeeeeessss!  I got the green on the North Emerald Road light near Bi-Lo!

Just one more to go!

And sure enough --- as I approached the National Guard Armory, it too turned 

green!

I pumped my fist in the air in victory!

I grinned from ear to ear!

WOOO HOOOO!

What fun!

I felt special all day.     I even imagined a special favor had been cast upon me!

Ok.  Bordering on over the top now.   (smile)

The simple pleasures of life.

Sigh.

A Reformed Fixer

I'm a reformed fixer.

Which is somebody that used to feel compelled to fix things.

Not just people, but mostly.

It was in my nature when a problem came across my path to fix it.

Or certainly try to.

My repair of choice was people.

One of my kids had a problem, I wanted to fix it.

My staff had trouble, I wanted to fix it.

A friend had issues, I wanted to fix them.

God started working on me in this area.

If you've ever been a fixer, you know the drill.

There's a certain amount of pride in stepping up to fix other people's
troubles.

I know it was true for me.

I could see what needed to be fixed so easily.

I'd jump in and fix away.   Invited sometimes.

Sometimes not.

Over time, I started noticing.

The weight of the troubles I was trying to fix.

I wore them.    I carried them.    I held onto them.

It was unhealthy.

It was exhausting.

I was wearing myself out working things out for people.....
or at least in my mind, trying to.

I just remember one day, I sensed God saying over me.

That friend of yours is not your responsibility.

Her troubles are not yours to repair.

Not mine?

But.........!

God did not intend for me to fix the people in my life.

I know.   That sounds totally messed up to even say out loud,
much less write.

But it's true.

He finally got through to me.

It took some practice stepping away from my fix it mentality.

I had to bite my tongue many times when someone tried to lay a problem at
my feet -- accustomed to me stepping in to fix it.

I had to close my mouth when the temptation came to correct somebody I
thought was doing it all wrong.

But a wonderful thing happened.

I became free.

Free of the perceived responsibility I tried to shoulder.

Free to enjoy family and friends without righting all the wrongs.

Free to trust God to work out the troubles and problems I once felt
compelled to fix.

Free.

Let me say that again.    Free.

Now, I didn't wash my hands of people I cared about -- mind you.

I still try to encourage.    But, instead of jumping in to fix -- I point
them to the one who can.

I'm visual.   The very best visual I've seen that describes this was demonstrated
by a friend, Jake Beaty in training care team volunteers at church last weekend.

Jake held his hands up clinching his fists to describe our tendency to "hold onto"
our problems or the problems of others.

This approach of clinching or holding onto the problems I thought I could take and fix
was exactly what I was doing.      Clinching tightly.

Jake then opened his hands and held them - palms facing up to demonstrate
the better way of presenting those problems before God.

Palms open.   Offering them to Him.

Simple.

Open my hands and allow Him.

To fix.

To cover.

To take.

Concerns.  Troubles.  Failures.  Problems.  Issues.

Palms open.  

It's a lesson I'm finally learning.

Oh, I still find myself wanting to close my fists around something from time
to time.

Then I remember the visual.    Clinched fists.

And I literally open my hands.

Palms up.

And offer them to Him.

Reformed fixer.    That would be me.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens 
to you."                  1 Peter 5:7.

Letting Go

My girl is gone.

That would be my oldest girl.

Oregon bound for a new job with her man.

She pulled out of my driveway three afternoons ago.

It felt strangely familiar.

It was the same driveway we stood in just nine months earlier
when she left her wedding reception a married woman.

This time.

I knew she wouldn't be back for a long while.  

And yes, I'm happy for her.   Yes, I'm excited for her.
Heck.  I raised her to do this very thing.  

But, to be completely honest.

It just feels strange.

It's one of the hardest parts of being a parent.

This business of letting go.

I definitely didn't get any training on this one.

Or.......did I?

Yeah.  

Truthfully, I probably did.

There was that time in kindergarten when her ridiculous teacher
wouldn't let me walk her into the school anymore.  Seriously!?  I thought
the woman had lost her mind.   She's  5 years old & can't possibly walk
into this place by herself!

Okay.

So, in fact......she could.   And did.

And I complied.    

There was that time when she was 10 and I let her go to Camp
Marietta for a week.

Then, there was her first overseas mission trip.......freshman year at
college.

First job in Charlotte....

So, yeah.

I guess my training has been underway for a while.

You love, you invest, you nurture.

They grow up.

And you let go.

Me?

I'm missing her already.

I missed her as soon as I lost sight of her car.

It's just the strangest thing.

Very strange.

Letting go.