A Mama Like Mine

I've been reminded lately.

That not everybody grows up the way I did.

With a mama.

Like mine.



Friends have shared their own stories.

Of mom's that were absent.

Or closed off.

Or impossible to please.

Not me.



From the time I was little.

Before I ever knew different.

I was blessed.

Just being in her care.



She was 21 years old.

Good.

Grief.

Nearly Taylor's age.

When I was born.



She knew very little herself.

Of what she gave to me.

Time.

Attention.

Interest.

Presence.

She made sure I had all those things.



And.

I never knew any different.

Not in 54 years.



It's an easy thing to take for granted.

When I've had it all my life.

But I'm understanding a little better now.

Just how fortunate I have been.

To have the love.

 All these years.

Of my mama.

When I'm Vulnerable

Many of you are like me.

Women.

With responsibilities.

Work.

Home.

Family.

School.

We all have them.

And.

We carry what sometimes feels like a load.

I don't know about you,

But my vulnerable time for the weight of responsibility is a night.

There's something about that time of day.

When the sun goes down.

And I'm a little tired.

Or.

A lot tired.

That the enemy finds me vulnerable.

To discouragement.

Fear.

Sometimes even anxiety or worry.

When I'm tired.

I'm vulnerable.

How bout you?



I've learned a trick I'll share.

A bit of self protection.

I don't allow myself to think too much about worrisome things.

At night.

I make them officially off limits.

I put up a boundary.

A fence.

Of protection.

And I don't allow myself to go there.

Tomorrow is another day.

Things always look better to me in the light of day.

In the light of the morning, I'll think about it.

And I'll be up for it.

But not tonight.

Tonight I'll rest.

I'll find some peace.

And think about it tomorrow.

Gee.

I may have just had a Scarlett O'Hara moment.

Tomorrow.

In the light of day.

I'll be up for it.

And I'll think about it then.



"...His mercies begin afresh each morning...."  Lamentations 3:23

Jesus & Sherwin Williams

I've really had fun sharing our house renovation in Due West with friends and
family.

I've taken and posted pictures since day one.

Pictures of the estate sale back in October.

The weeks of demolition as plaster walls & ceilings were taken down to the studs
through November and some of December.

And more recently, the original fireplaces being uncovered and new wiring and
plumbing going in this month.

Scott and I hardly go anywhere that we don't get asked....

How's the house coming along?

What's going on this week?

When do you think it'll be done?


I've seen evidence.

Of what I sincerely call.

"Favor of the Lord."

Time after time.

After time.

On things pertaining to this house.



Most recently.

I saw it today.

Approaching the time.

When the exterior house color had to be picked.

Big decision.

Big expense.

And.

Whatever we choose.

We have to live with it.

For a while.


My goal was to LOVE whatever color was chosen.

The key word there is LOVE.

Many felt we should repaint it the original white.

With black shutters.

That was nice.

It was classic.

It was in keeping with the era of the house.

But, I didn't LOVE it.


So.

I noticed one day.   Not too long ago.

A house.

In Greenwood.

I passed it each day.

On my way home.

Very similar to the Due West house.

Newly painted.

A color I LOVED.

I drove by the house.

I stalked the house.

And knew in my heart.

It was "the" color.

The color.....for our house.



Problem was.

How to find out......the color?

What's it called??

So.

I did what any red blooded, stalking HGTV veteran would do.

I checked the tax records in the county to find the owner's name.

What do you know?

A very old acquaintance.

As it turned out.

From years ago.

When we first moved to Greenwood.

So.

I tried calling them.

Never an answer.

No answering machine.

The stalking went on for a while.

And my LOVE did not diminish.


Eventually.

I drove myself to Lowes.

Scoured over the paint samples.

And chose what I thought was a close match.

This Wednesday.

Yesterday.

I nervously handed the paint color over to our contractor.

Hoping, I had come close.

Geez.   I hope it's the same.

I squinted at that color.

I stood in front of the house and tried to imagine the color.

And hoped for the best.


Then came the next day.

Today.

Scott and I drove by the color I LOVE house on our way to lunch.

Yep.

We agreed.

That's it!

We both LOVE it!

Even Taylor LOVED it.

And we sat down to eat lunch.

At a deli near downtown.

I was about two bites in.......on my tuna salad on wheat toast.

And in she walked.

Yes!

The owner of the color I LOVE house.

There she was!

She didn't even seem startled.

When we approached her asking for the elusive color name.

Grabbing a pen to write it down.

Svelte Sage.

Svelte Sage.

Svelte Sage.

Ahhhhhh.



But wait!!

I gave the contractor a different color!

We drove to Sherwin Williams to pick up a swatch of Svelte Sage.

And then drove to Lowes to pick up a swatch of the color I had given to the contractor.

Ohhhh noooo!

Big difference in the two!

I wasn't even close.

If the painter already had the color.

If he had already bought the paint.

It would be too late.

But a quick call confirmed.

The work had been put off until Monday.

Wow.

Put off until Monday!

Nothing had been bought yet.

Whewww!

Thank you, Jesus!

You wanted me to have the color I LOVED.

And you made sure it came my way.

Svelte Sage.

I googled it tonight to see if I could find it on another house image.

I'm visual.

I have to "see" it.

And guess what comes up in my search?

The HGTV Dream Home for 2013.

With an exterior paint color of........

You guessed it!

Svelte Sage.

Yep.    Confirmation.

HGTV.

Of course, it was HGTV!



And come next week.

Our old house on Bonner Street in Due West.

Will enjoy the same fate.

White trim.

Black shutters.

Svelte Sage.    Everywhere else!

Favor of the Lord.

I've ask Him to direct me in everything I do.

No surprise He shows up in the small stuff too.

This time, it was in the Svelte Sage!

Thank you, Jesus!


"the Lord leads in with unfailing love and faithfulness."  Psalm 25:10.

The Jumping Off Part

At 27.

I went to the hospital to give birth to my oldest child.

And no.

This is not a blog about birthing.

Read on.

You see....

I took a gigantic jump.

Into the unknown.

I was never.....really ready.... to become a mother.

How can you ever be ready?

It was a jumping off experience from the git go.

I had no idea what to expect.

And no idea....what I was doing.

At all.

Or even if.....I could do the job at all.

Even so.

She was born.

We took her home.

And figured out.

By trial and error.

What to do.

I've spent all these years being a mom.

First to Kate.

And seven years later.

To Taylor.

And.

Yes.

I've definitely grown into the job.

It's been the single most important job of my life.

Important.

Incredibly rewarding.

Satisfying.

Gut wrenching at times.

Difficult....almost always.

I didn't fully realize it then.

How in the world could I?

That one day.

With little warning.

In the blink of an eye.

Yes....it's absolutely true.

That quickly.

I would be here again.

The next jumping off place.

And just like that first day as the labor pain began.

I have no idea what's coming.

It's just as uncertain.

Just as uncharted.

Parenting.

Mothering.

Adult children.

It's so weird.

Before.

Every decision.

Every consideration.

Everything I did.

Centered around them.

Now?

No longer true.

And it really snuck up on me.

I couldn't tell you the day it happened.

If it was the day Kate left for her traveling job in Oregon.

Or when Taylor went to college.

But.

It came.

And my life shifted again.

Now.

Being a mom.

Is more and more about letting go.

Just like the labor pains.

It can't be stopped.

Just like before.

I have no manual.

There's no instructions.

It feels just as foreign and strange as before.

And yes.

I know they still need me.

Taylor will still want me to take care of her when she's sick.

And I'll be the first one Kate calls when she has something important to share.

But it's changing.

And that's okay.

Or.

It will be okay.

Eventually.

Grown children.

Letting go.

Inching up to the edge.

Toes dangling.

The jumping off part.

Here again.