My Hard Assignment

I've heard many times.

You're not the first person.

To have a hard assignment from God.

And how ridiculously many times.

I thought they were really talking about me.



It really doesn't help at all.

That I recognize.

Many of you may feel the same way.

I'm a self-absorbed human.

And so are you.

Life takes place in my own little world.

Where I'm the star.

Nobody else's challenges are as big as mine.

People just don't understand.

The world around me is so unjust.

Can't they see how much I do for them!

Nobody ever says thank you.

Nobody ever notices.

If anyone really knew the responsibility I carried.



GEEZ!

Dramatic martyr complex if EVER I heard it!




Do you sometimes just have to step back.

And tell yourself to get a grip?

Maybe not.

Lord knows I do.

I've been sitting here this Sunday morning.

It's very early.

Before 6: 00 a.m. early.

I come up here about this time.

To my studio.

Most mornings.

It's my have to time.

I have to spend time in this chair.

Getting my feet under me.

Spiritually speaking.

Before my day gets underway.

To read scripture.

And pray.    And hopefully listen.

And this idea of a hard assignment.

Convicted me a little today.



It's hard for me not to be all about me.

I want to make it about me.

And when I do.

That inner dialog in my head often follows.

All those I shared above.

And how hard my assignment is from God.



But this morning.

I thought about my college roommate.

Fighting the physical battle of her life.

Stage four cancer.

A young friend that lives under the constant reminder.

Of what was said over him as a child.

A family member.

Who lost a child.

Someone at work.

That struggles with anxiety.

A friend who's husband cheated after 30 years of marriage.

Another couple I adore.

Who have banked everything on a call to minister in Kenya.

And are still waiting on God to make the way.

I thought about someone close to me.

That's living out the brutal consequences of lifelong alcoholism.

And someone else  that lives under constant scrutiny and expectation.

Because their husband is a minister.



THOSE.

Are hard assignments.



Being self-absorbed is a distraction.

An effective one.

The enemy uses distraction my life.

Effectively so.

To keep me from doing what I'm really called to do.

Because if I'm distracted.

Focusing on me.

I don't see my assignment.

Not the hard assignment I thought I had.



My real assignment.



I have a chance.

Everyday.

To be used by God.

Countless opportunities to make my life count for eternity.

To bless other people.

Just as I have been blessed.

I have a chance to bless and add life to someone else.

Wherever I go.



Is that what I do consistently?

Of course not!

Not nearly as often as I could.

Especially if I'm distracted.

And focused on me.



But it sure the heck.

Is what I can.

Choose

To

Do.



And that assignment.

Don't seem so hard.

After all.






** painting "A Woman's Hand's Crossed Over Her Chest"
                     by Elana Ray