Motherhood: I'm Not A Trail Blazer

When I was having my own children.

I took some level of comfort in knowing.

Others had done it before me.

Seriously.

It helped knowing that women had been having babies.

For centuries and centuries.

Before me.

I was not alone.

And I certainly wasn't a trail blazer.

I could do it!

And I did.



Years later.

I worked with a wonderful woman named Jane.

Like many of you.

My co-workers were.

And are.

An important part of my life.

Jane was about a decade older than me.

And as I struggled through parenting.

During that season of my life.

Middle school.

High school.

Teenagers.

Jane was always a step ahead of me.

In the motherhood journey.

I leaned on her advise.

And took a great deal of comfort.

When she would tell me.

I know.

You'll get through this.

I understand.

It'll be okay.

And Jane was right.

And I did.



Now.

I'm in that motherhood role.

Of having adult children.

And it is so strange.

I have to say.

To shift gears completely.

From what my role as mom once was.

In the early days.

To what it is today.




Who does this part well?

Do you?

I honestly have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm in completely uncharted waters.

Or am I?

I'm going where centuries of women have gone before,

And that should give me some comfort.

I'm still not a trail blazer.



Jane retired from our office.

I've really missed her friendship.

And her advise.

But an unexpected thing happened.

I've begrudgingly shifted into that role.

My co-workers now look at me.

The older one.

The one that's a step ahead.

In the motherhood journey.



I guess I better be figuring this out.

There's a lot of uncertainty.

Like, what relationships define me now?

What's involved?

But, not too involved?

Will I be a wise and interesting older woman?

That invests in this world in other ways?

Geez.

I hope so.



I haven't figured it out.

Yet.

But, hopefully.

I'm in the process.

And I will.