Depending on Myself

Growing up in church,

I never really understood what people meant.

When they spoke about the Holy Spirit.



About the power.

Of the Holy Spirit.

Or being filled.

With the Holy Spirit.

It was like a foreign language to me.

I had no experience with it.

I didn't understand it.



That began to change.

When I read a book.

Called "The Shack" by William P. Young.

Some of you may be disappointed or surprised to hear that.

That's okay with me.

"The Shack" is a novel.

And it helped me.

Understand.

The concept of.....Father....Son & Holy Spirit.

The relationship between the three.



Reading the book.

Gave me a better understanding of the Holy Spirit I read about in scripture.

It started making sense to me.

In a practical way.

I know that the Holy Spirit lives inside of me as a believer.

That He offers me power and guidance.

To do.

What I cannot do on my own.




About this time.

I was in a season of life.

When the demands I felt placed on me.

Were so far above what i could meet on my own.

I was willing to ask.

And eager to have.

Any power and guidance He would give me.



I started putting it to the test.

Last year.

I was facing a very difficult meeting at work.

Everything about the situation placed me clearly in an underdog role.

I was nervous.

I felt weak.

By my own account.....I was ill equipped.

As close to a David & Goliath situation as I had ever personally encountered.



Facing this kind of situation before.

I would have invested countless hours rehearsing.

And preparing a strategy.

I would have depended on my own abilities.

My own wits.

I would have depended on myself.



But, not this time.

The day of the meeting came.

I did something I had never fully done before.

I prayed.

And specifically asked God to fill me with His spirit at this meeting.

To fight what I perceived as a battle.

For me.

To give me the words.

I needed.

The words I felt sure I wouldn't have on my own.

To trust Him.

To come through for me.



It was a turning point for me in my faith.

The meeting took place.

And I experienced what I can only describe.

 As a confidence.

A boldness.

A fierceness.

I could never have mustered on my own.

Words came out of my mouth.

And I expressed myself in such a way.

I almost didn't recognize my own voice.

It was Him.

It was the Holy Spirit in me.

And experiencing it for myself.

Changed me.



Since that day.

I've become more intentional.

In situations where I felt attacked.

God, fight this battle for me.


Or when I'm dreading a hard conversation.

God, give me the words I need to say.


When I'm impatient or put off by somebody.

God, help me to show them grace.


When I'm not sure which choice to make.

God, be clear -- guide me.   Give me direction.


If I'm physically tired and exhausted.

God, restore me.  Give me the energy I need.




Ultimately.

What was always so mysterious and complex to me before.

Became more simple.

He lives in me.

He's willing and eager.

For me to ask for His help.

He can do immeasurably more.

Immeasurably more.

In my weakness.

Than in my self-sufficiency.



"......when your energy fails you,
do not look inward and lament
the lack you find there.

Look to me and my sufficiency;
rejoice in my riches
that are abundantly available to help you..."


Sarah Young "Jesus Calling."