On Christmas morning earlier this week.
I was just a few miles down the road.
Alone in my car.
Headed to my mom's.
Feeling completely sorry for myself.
I had not thought it through.
Or prepared myself.
For how it would feel.
Our very first Christmas morning.....alone.
Our kids are grown.
We had them here on Christmas Eve.
Gifts were exchanged.
A good meal was enjoyed.
And then they did exactly.
What Scott & I did as adults.
And our children came along.
They wanted to be in their homes Christmas Day.
And while I completely understood that in my head.
It was a harder experience in my reality.
This is shifty business.
Maneuvering through the holidays with adult children.
Things can't stay as they have always been.
I do know that.
And even though I saw it coming.
I quickly saw that my expectations.
Were still stuck in the past.
Our past.
I was destined for disappointment.
Of my own making.
The tears came about 10 minutes down the road.
What was Scott thinking?
I know I said the piano was all I wanted for Christmas.
But I got that a full month ago.
And "I" found it and picked it out!
Clearly I didn't mean it when I said I wanted nothing else.
On "this" Christmas!
When nothing else would be as it's always been.
He would know, right?
And read my mind.
But.
No.
It wasn't to be.
And when you're already well into your pity party.
It doesn't take much.
To quickly escalate.
There was just one little box under the tree that morning for me.
One small wooden metronome.
A what??
He had to explain what it was to me.
Isn't that like getting me a screw driver or a hammer?!
Seriously?!
A metronome??
I did a poor job of hiding my disappointment.
Great!
I succeeded in making him feel as badly as me.
Well done, Kathy!
Merry Christmas!!!
As it turns out.
Mom wasn't well enough for her traditional stay with us in Due West.
She hadn't missed being with us on Christmas morning for over 30 years.
And I wasn't about to let my mama spend Christmas day alone.
Scott was fighting a bad cough & cold.
He was as grumpy as he was sick.
So, I got in the car.
Left him there.
(He was probably glad to see me go!)
And took my personal pity party on the road!
Yep.
The tears ran down my checks as I passed the Hot Spot on Hwy 25.
Poor.
Pitiful.
Me.
My mom, thankfully.
Was in better spirits when I arrived.
We sat and talked.
And she opened the gifts I bought her.
That's when I first saw her.
As she walked by the patio door.
Meowing loudly.
Wow!
She looked terrible!
In worse shape than any cat I've ever seen.
Half starved.
Dirty.
Neglected.
Sick.
Before I could jump up and get to the door, she disappeared.
I briefly walked around calling for her.
But she was no where to be found.
A neighbor heard me and shared.
"She's been hanging around here for about a week."
"She looks like she's going to die,"
That wasn't an exaggeration.
Even though the LAST thing I needed this Christmas morning.
Was to get involved in an animal rescue,
It soon became clear that's exactly what would be.
I returned to my chair and my conversation with mom.
And the cat returned again.
This time.
Sitting at the patio door.
Looking right at me.
And meowing.
Loudly.
Asking for help.
I soon forgot about feeling sorry for myself.
She was the one that deserved my compassion.
She was friendly.
And very content to let me scoop her up in a blanket.
She was happy to snuggle in and be still.
Off we drove for Due West.
She never made a sound.
This terribly neglected animal.
And poor, pitiful me.
I learned a valuable lesson that Christmas day.
Even though it was a few days later before I saw it.
God looked down from heaven.
Over 2000 years ago.
And made a decision to send His son.
To a messed up.
Dirty.
Weak.
And neglected world.
To give us a Hope and a Future.
Through Jesus, his son.
This cat was a wonderful, personal gift and reminder to me.
In all of my self pity that day.
Put right under my nose and in my path on Christmas morning.
Not to be missed.
I was given a chance to be part of her rescue.
For hope and a better future.
The very chance I've been given.
God's way of saying...."she's not that different than you."
A gentle reminder.
Given to me.
During my Dec 25th Pity Party.
Update: After a trip to the vet on Tuesday, we named this stray "Josie" - She was severely dehydrated, has an upper respiratory infection, matted hair, ulcers in her mouth making it hard for her to eat & groom herself. She only weighed 4 pounds & had likely been on her own for some time. She wasn't microchipped and appears to be older than her size would suggest. She's likely 8-10 years old. She tested negative for feline leukemia & all her other blood work was remarkably good. Josie's been content to stay in our upstairs bathroom with a warm blanket, all the food & water she can eat & lots of love. She's very friendly - but still very weak. Josie sits beside me and look directly into my eyes. What an old soul - and seems very thankful I didn't look the other way Christmas morning. We hope to place her in a good home after she recuperates!
January 27, 2018: Josie stayed with us for four weeks, enjoying a warm and safe place for the first time in a long while. Despite lots of food, blankets & TLC, she showed no real improvement. On January 23rd, the vet advised and we agreed that there was nothing more to be done for her. As she was put down, we held her close and told her how glad we were -- that we could give her a home and some comfort at the end of her life. Goodbye sweet girl.